Ya'll want a few military stories? Of course you do. Sit back down. *glare*
In bootcamp we had this guy from Philly named Andrews. He was about my height but more muscular, and half Phillipino, I think. Well, after the 5th week, we're all getting into our racks for taps at 2200. All of a sudden I see Andrews walking to the office through the inboard space (open area between each line of racks, see FMJ, when they are shining shoes, ITing, etc, that main open area in the center) wearing PT shorts (short shorts on most people), shower shoes, a cape made from a white tshirt with the words "Heavyweight Ricky Boxer" written on it, and a ninja turtle eyemask made from a tshirt sleeve. When asked what the fuck he was doing, he simply replied, "I'm not Andrews... I am the Phantom of 322!!" He then strutted into the head, where BM2 Brackin (our RDC with the biggest taste for IT) was do a walkthrough, deciding the fate of our MA. Apparently, he entered, stood at attention, called for Petty Officer Brackin, and then saluted him. BM2 broke down with laughter and sent him back to his rack, which he did... nude and with amazing speed.
Jones, a small but amazingly cut black guy with no brains and close physical relation to Steve Erkel, was talking to QMC Kelly (The I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-anything RDC), which was his first mistake, and had pissed Chief off with his dumb questions. Finally, Chief asked the classic and ever dangerous question, "Jones, you've gotta be the dumbest shithead I've ever met. Provided you survive here, what're you gonna be in the Navy?" to which Jones replied faster than a .45 "I-I'm a-gonna be a Nuke, uh-Chief." To which the entire compartment of C-02 replied by exploded into laughter, including Chief, who congratulated the Skittle on his wit.
We were waiting for OS1 Johnson (psychopathic-killed-four-people-special-warfare RDC) to let us into Freedom Hall to PT and get out of the heat, and the CO of RTC Great Mistakes... err... Lakes, Captain Moran, walks out in PT gear and walks past Division 322 out to his car. I hear Jones ask Chief,"Chief, who was that?" and Chief replies,"Hey, Jones, why don't you go and ask him?" Jones continues,"Was he important, Ch-chief?" "No, of course not, you dolt," comes the reply. Jones opened his mouth to ask another question, when OS1 came out, stifling any further questions. I hear chambers behind me mutter,"Damn, I wanted to know what his next question was gonna be, heh."
After Battle Stations, you have an entire day of nothing to do, to make your exhaustion of being awake 36 hours harder to deal with. Well, I decided to tighten my sheets, and layed down to crawl under my rack to begin, and fell asleep. BM2, not 10 seconds later, came and poured an entire bottle of water on my head. About 2 hours later, we went to the phone center to make phone calls (obviously). However, another division was in the phones, so only 5 or so of us actually had a phone. I sat down next to a booth to wait my turn, and fell asleep again. BM2 showered me again, but I didn't bother to open my eyes. I hear BM2 exclaim,"Damn, Guidon doesn't even wake up no more!" and walk away. I opened my eyes to see BM2 come back to add,"You know, Guidon, now I know why you joined the Navy. You like water way too damn much." To which I replied,"I admire your perceptiong, Petty Officer." And proceeded to dry off.
At NNPTC, we are in what is called Naval Military Training for the duration of our A school. At the 4 week mark, we entered phase 2 (green dot). It was a Friday. On Saturday, I spent the day in Adam and Conrad's BEQ. It just so happened that I inadvertantly spent most of the night, too. I was there so late, in fact, that when I finally looked at the clock it read 0100. 45 minutes past our curfew. Missing curfew was equatable to being UA(Unauthorized Absence), punishable by Captain's Mast (Lowest level and most common form of Court Martial, but Non-Judicial). First words from my mouth were "Fuck." The doors have a timestamp, and it records when we use our keys. Everyone in my BEQ was asleep, there were roving watches, and I was unlucky. So, I figured that if I stay the night, come back to my room at like 0600, it'll look like I left for breakfast or something early in the morning.
I wake up at 0830 the next morning by Boyer, my suitemate, shaking me. I get led back to my room, where Cammarato (Commie-rato in boot camp, upgraded to Nazi-rato in A school) proceeds to bitch me out about how he won't run the chance of getting in trouble for me being gone all night when he's the only person that would say anything, and gives me a 1 hour timelimit to call Chief. I tell him to fuck off, and later make the call just to steal his smugness when he'd try to call. He bitches me out again, neither time asking if I was going to call Chief or if I already had, just assumingly (correctly, but not the point) that I wouldn't.
So, come Monday morning, having had a oneway conversation with Chief and freshly stripped of my green dot (symbol of Phase 2), narrowly dodging Mast. And then Nazi-rato wonders why I don't like him. What I did was caused by accidental circumstances, and it is just a normal occurrence across campus to do that sort of thing anyway.